Vulnerability at it's Best... But There's a Birthday on the Horizon!

As some would say, I spoke too soon. And a few years ago I probably would have been the type to regret being so open about something that I wanted because then when I didn't get I'd have to tell everyone that it didn't work out. And that, my followers, is much more difficult than just you knowing yourself.

The phone rang while I was in a meeting with my two managers at work (one of my part-time jobs) and something inside just told me that it was them calling. I had been waiting all week and with the encouragement of my family and friends was feeling hopeful. Then the buzz of the voicemail hit my phone and I felt it vibrate in my pocket! I could not have been more anxious to leave the meeting so I could run to the hall and listen.

Finally I found my opportunity… "Samantha, thank you so much for your email and your time… at this time we have decided to go with a stronger candidate… We wish you the best of luck and please keep in touch for future opportunities." As I head back into work with my friends and managers I could feel the tears swelling up behind my eyes, but if there was something about myself that I knew it was that I have a resilience that others would envy, and that's something I'm proud of. So I put a strong face on and went about the rest of my work day with a smile. I clock out. I say goodbye. I head home and the second I walk through the door I saw the cupcakes that Brandon had bought me to make me feel better, but the tears just didn't stay inside.

So, of course, I did what any logical 23 yr old (soon to be 24, OMG!) girl that has received way to many rejections for her sanity would do. I ran to the shower with my speakers and blasted sad music while enjoying the longest shower of my life. In case you haven't tried a shower while crying, I would definitely recommend it because your face is going to get wet anyway, so you might as well just shower during the process! Two Birds, One Stone.

Okay, enough with the sad shit. Just for the record, I'm not some ignorant sad girl that isn't looking at the big picture. I really wanted (still want) this position, but the tears and the emotions I felt were not all due to the rejection of the position. It was more because when you're almost two years out of college and still finding your way in life and have not an iota of an idea in what direction it's going, it's easy to feel anxious and despair - hence the crying shower scene. No… no I don't have a picture of this, apologies :P

I had a few bites of the yummy cupcakes and decided that I would get all my sulking out last night because in less than 3 hours it was going to be Brandon's 24th Birthday! So he let me cry on his shoulder and vent about what I'm thinking about for life and the future and being happy and NOW it's Friday and I have to just buckle up and wear a smile because it's a day for celebration! (I am aware that there were an absurd amount of "ands" in the last sentence, but I.Don't.Care! That's my sentence and I'm sticking to it!:D)

This morning I sang "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" and gave Brandon one of his gifts, which he absolutely loved! That made me so happy! We woke up to find out that our heat is broken for the day, so my apartment is a popsicle, fortunately I have friends in high places. Which really means that I am at my friend, Marine's, place eating Berry Crumble, Nutella and blogging before I head to work. I also have to finish the last preparations for the surprise I have in store for Brandon tonight. I'll probably write again on Monday morning to update on the fantastic weekend plans.

Guys, I'm happy! I have great things in life, I'm healthy and I have people around me who love me! No more tears! And I am happy that I put myself out there because that way for those of you reading and for those of you just of college feeling rejected… Take it from someone that graduated from Carnegie Mellon University (A Top 30 School) with a degree in Economics, it's not easy. And it's especially not easy when you don't just want a job, you want the job that is going to make you happy. Maybe that's my thing, but I know that when I nail that one job that I know I want, it will be much more gratifying that just having a paycheck and benefits to say that I have a paycheck and benefits without any enjoyment of going to work. I want to love my job and I know I will! ;)

Most of my friends and family said "SAM! It's a sign that you shouldn't be cooperate (even though you can)! You should SING!" So I will sing! I wrote a new song today and I decided to open a sound cloud and upload the Explosions (A Capella) - Ellie Goulding Cover that I sang as a sound test. Hope you enjoy it.. Just click the image of Ellie Goulding below and it will take you to my new SoundCloud.

Have a great Friday! Chins UP! And Happy Birthday Brandon! :)

-Jam

The Waiting Game

What's been going on in the last week and a half? So much. I'm currently participating in the game that most college grads are forced to play for at least a few months, my case years. I mentioned in my last post that I had an important interview coming up for a job that I am more than excited about and it's done. It happened! And now I wait. I can't tell if I'll regret writing about it so openly because I have yet to find out about the decision! I'm fairly certain I am a top candidate, which some of you may think as great because it means that I'll definitely get it, but that's not entirely true. And worse, knowing that I'm so close is going to crush me if I don't get it. The position goes so well with my background and I think it would be great fuel for more writing!

While I waited… and continue to wait. Here are some of the things that I did and kept me entertained in the last week and a half when I wasn't working or singing.

In the last week of January I visited some family up in NY and CT because a year had passed since my amazing Aunt, Tanya Tutiven, passed away (mom's sister). We all gathered, had a mass ceremony and then caught up with family while remembering her beautiful smile and memories. Even though this picture was taken a few weeks ago, I thought it would be great to share a picture of some of my family members since I haven't quite gotten to do that yet. I'll have to remember to write a post about the amazing people in my family and get everyone familiar with them. Here is my mom on the left, me in the middle and my Aunt Pam (mom's sister) on the right. Us girls are always trying to live up the fab!

This is the card that I gave to Brandon on Valentine's Day. I laughed out loud when I saw it and it made boyfriend chuckle, too! As you guys saw from my last post, I'm not much into that cheesy stuff, though I shouldn't shun it considering the wonderful Vday we had. I worked on the actual day of celebration, but who cares! Hallmark can't tell me what to do! We decided to celebrate on Saturday instead and enjoyed a lovely meal at this new restaurant that we tried in the city called Valanni. It was a tapas style dining experience and my only failure during the meal is the fact that I managed to not take one picture of the amazing food, but I don't feel too bad because in these days of social media, twitter, instagram and blogging (we all know I'm a huge fan of all those apps) it's hard to get some alone time to just sit and talk to each other without the disturbance of the phone going *BING* with some external and insignificant alert. It was nice for both of us to enjoy our time with just us.

After dinner, though, we headed to the Kimmel Center for the Performing Arts because Brandon purchased tickets for us to see the Philadelphia Orchestra perform Rachmaninoff. It was so good and refreshing. He knows how much I love music but most concerts are always the popular radio hits and classical music is what I actually grew up on and how I learned how to read and practice music. We had box seats and everything. I do have some snips from inside the theater looking down at the orchestra for you to enjoy! It was absolutely gorgeous inside and reminded me of my dad because he is always finding new events to take me to when I visit Miami.

Pretty Right?

Okay, so then came the week of the Interview and it was supposed to be on Tuesday as I mentioned in my last post, however due to weather conditions which are, by the way, becoming most annoying as I'm desperate for some sign of Spring, the company postponed the interview for safety reasons. I really appreciated that. Anyway, Thursday arrives, my interview date, and here is some snip snaps from that day.

I love this outfit! It's chic and still professional! A friend of mine told me I looked perfect for the part. I had a badge and everything which was exciting. I crossed out the company and location for obvious reasons but if I get the job I'll definitely share :D. Look at the inside of the building, how pretty! I think that overall the interview went well. As always there are questions that are unexpected, but I think I handled them the best that I could, hopefully I get a chance to share my creativity with them more! To get my mind off the stressful times Brandon and I headed out to the outlets to see if there were any good deals left over from President's Day, but we're all about saving right now so we were pretty pathetic in our shopping spree. However, I did see these amazing oxfords and I thought they would be so cute for spring! Brandon wasn't shy to show his disgust for them however, fortunately we had a big laugh about it! Especially because I mentioned that girls don't dress for guys, especially when my guy has been with me for over two years. That's it, he loves me already and I'll promise not to wear the oxfords around him, just like how I don't wear my flower printed pants around him either.

Do you like Oxfords? Tell me! I wanna know how everyone else feels about them!
As we walked away from the shoes, regrettably, we laughed together because he agreed the shoes would be better than me getting bangs. But what's a girl to do when she wants to change up her look! I did some research and found a way to give myself some fake bangs for a one day do. And I LOVE it! Brandon even gave me kudos on finding a way to change it up, looking realistic and not compromising. I genuinely can't get real bangs even if I wanted them (which I don't, just to clarify - I just like mixing things up occasionally) because my hair is curly and that would not make for an easy hair routine, not to mention the horror of growing them out. I'm happy with my hair right now. Still, you have to see how great this came out!

Pretty cool right? If you want to try to it at home, here are the steps! Let me know if it works for you!
1. High Ponytail
2. Take half of hair in pony and bring to the front, bobby pin!
3. Wrap the back portion around the top like a bun!
4. Style and fix to make it look as you wish! ;)

Finally, this week has gone by a bit easier because I had not one, but two, nights to indulge in my 2014 guilty pleasure… The Bachelor! I know, I KNOW! How sinful! I have genuinely never watched the show before and had no interest in it before this season and the way I got into it was because Brandon's sister joked about it and I saw some updates on E!News. When I realized that he's hispanic, I couldn't hold back. For anyone watching the show and wondering if that really is how hispanic guys talk to girls the answer is not so black and white. You have the classy hispanic men who, though they do not speak english perfectly, still are able to communicate in a way that is not seen as condescending or shallow, overall they're very chivalrous. Then you have the macho macho hispanic guy that is usually from South Florida (I'm allowed to say this because I'm from Miami, otherwise back off! This is my hometown, so only I can make fun) and he will touch your face all day while baby talking you and asking you for little kisses, "aye dame besitos." It's just TOO cheesy and it is so funny! By the way if you're ever having a day when you're feeling a bit down, go read the twitter feed for #TheBachelor and I can guarantee you'll be laughing so hard your abs will ask for forgiveness. I saw this on Pintrest last night and was cracking up!

Well, it's time for some breakfast and more waiting. Hope you enjoyed and wish me luck!

Happy Valentine's Day Laugh!

I found these two gems and thought "what a better way to celebrate Valentine's Day (the most commercialized of Hallmark Holidays) than to get a little laughter out there!" I want to take a small music break and put some smiles on peoples faces. I would like to point out that I notice a lot of people getting defensive, posting all these "I don't believe in Valentine's Day" or "I date myself and I'm happy" tweets, but no need to be so bitter. In Spanish when we say Happy Valentine's Day we literally translate it to "Happy day of celebrating Love and Friendship", which I like a lot more because it does not hone in on all the pressure to not be single today and as far as I'm concerned I get much love from my family and friends! So regardless of whether or not you are dating someone today, know that there is someone out there thinking of you and loving you! :)

Best Romantic Poem

Best Cute Stuffed Animal
Hope you all got a few laughs out of these classic creations that I found! Happy Valentine's Day to all my lovely readers!

xoxo Bisous! xoxo

SamJam

Catching Up is Hard To Do (Part II): Singer, Producer, Engineer...Night Owl

I've had the desire to start a blog for some time now, but finally I feel like I will be able to share my experiences and life in a way that will show meaning to my goal. Everything I've been through has shaped the person I am today and the reason I do what I do. My only hope is that you fall in love with the story of my life(though there is still so much to it left) and the soundtrack that's being built for it. This post is actually coming at a good time because in these last two weeks I have regained my abilities to be a Night Owl. Apologies for waiting so long in between posts, but I've had little time to update on my whereabouts because I'm creating these whereabout experiences. I figure what would be a better way to catch up with the passed 3 years and the passed 2 weeks but to incorporate the two.

Let's pick up where we left off in my last post, Junior Year at Carnegie Mellon University and I am in my first recording class. It came so naturally to me, not just telling people what to do when they were in the booth (Brandon says I can be bossy sometimes, I think I'm just a natural leader) but also having the ear to pinpoint good takes vs bad ones and edit the right musical information to tracks. That may seem like a bit too honest to admit that I enjoyed having the power to tell others what to do, but it's true. It's an art really, to get it down to a T. There are people who are "bossy" and there then are people who are "leaders". My professor noticed my ease with leadership immediately. I never told anyone what to do, I made they feel comfortable enough with themselves so that they did what I wanted them to without them realizing that I had been gearing them in that direction from the beginning. And despite what anyone may think, that is art. I had people requesting to work with me as an engineer because of all the fun and laughs that I brought to a studio session while still getting work done efficiently. To be completely honest, I think that the reason that most engineers are successful is when the engineers themselves are artists because they understand what it feels like to be exposed and have everyone around you listening to your art while you're trying to record something creatively. In this case especially, because most artists would come and use the studio for free since they knew that their session would be educational to a class of 30 people. Now, on top of having your own criticism (which is the harshest) and that of the engineer/producer (second harshest) you also had a group of 30 college students watching your every move and hearing your every mistake. It may seem easy enough, but it's nerve-racking to say the least.

One of the artists that came in frequently was a local Pittsburgh Rapper, named "Freestyle" at the time. He currently goes by "Frzy" (@Frzy) and has a wide following, having worked with a number of famous national and international artists now. Good friends now, he always likes to pretend that he had his eye on me before I even tried to become his engineer of two years, but who knows the truth. The facts are that after one session with him I came out of my shy shell (tongue twister? "shy shell") and sang for him in the hopes of working with him as not only an engineer but as a guest artist on one of his tracks. Of course, my engineer professor was taken aback because he had no idea that I was a singer, as well. He only really trusted me for the engineering skills. Slowly, I proved myself though. I should mention that during this time the Teacher's Assistant of the class was Andrew Goldberg, a graduate student at Carnegie Mellon receiving his certificate in Music Engineering and Production was the one who gave me the most mentor like abilities to learn everything faster. He noticed my ease with the soundboard immediately and had already become very good friends with Frzy, so needless to say the three of us became a dynamic trio in the studio, where I spent most of my nights for the first half of my Junior Year in college.

3am Studio Session Nov. 2010
Andrew took this picture I'm pretty sure, either him or Free. Just this picture alone pretty much sums up Junior Year of CMU, as well as, the last two weeks. Since I last wrote I got a second job, applied for another more permanent job and continued working at my current job, all while writing, recording, singing, practicing and attempting to squeeze time in with my friends and boyfriend. For those who don't know my job that I already had is in retail. I'd be more explicit about which company I work for, but since I can feel myself having the urge to write more about it in the future I don't want to put myself in a compromising position. My new job is going really well, but I tend to want to keep things private until I know they're really going to work out. Maybe I should stop that and get more music out, too (something I promise to have done by the next post because I've been on it for the last two weeks like a mad woman)! And finally, there is the new job that I am interviewing for that I am definitely not going to make public so as to not jinx it, but I'd really appreciate the good vibes for the final interview, which is early next week! I've just been the busy bee trying to fit it all in and truthfully, I love this much more than feeling as if there is nothing to do, even if it causes a little Stress here and there.

Following my sleepless nights at CMU I was faced with a big decision for the second half of my junior year. Since before I started college, I had decided that I was going to study abroad in Paris, France. I had already been accepted into a Parisian Abroad Program for Economics/Business and awarded a small but worthwhile abroad scholarship from CMU. But now I had a family in the studio and I really didn't want to leave it, I wasn't sure if it would be the same when I returned.
I'll have to elaborate on my amazing experience in France one of these days so I'm sure you've figured out what decision I made and I can say with confidence that I have no regrets. When I returned Senior Year to CMU I earned a spot taking Andrew's position as TA of the Engineering class and even got a job as an engineer for the CMU School of Music doing live productions, as well as studio productions. With this kind of access to the studio you can bet that I had a lot of time to record my own things here and there.

I soon graduated to become what most college graduates are these days… unemployed. Haha, I seriously just chuckled to myself as I was writing this. I should save my post College drama for another post, but needless to say, it took a bit of time before I really was able to hone in on what I wanted, where I wanted and decide HOW I was going to get it.

My good friend, who helped me set up this blog is going to help me figure out how to add MP3's to it, so if the next post doesn't have a tune up for you to listen to, I'll be pretty upset with myself because there are no excuses at this point, especially with how hard I've been working to get some stuff recorded. The only real set back is me! Yesterday my engineer/co-producer, who will be introduced later, sent me some of the demos that we had worked on and I liked what I heard, but when I listen to myself I don't listen to it subjectively. You'd think "Yeah, right… you LOVE how you sound!" or "Yeah, right… you're too critical on yourself". But it's actually not true. I can compliment myself just as well as I can criticize myself, but the real issue is that I've worked with different record labels and so many music companies in the passed that I know what they're looking for. As I continue the story of my journey, I'll elaborate on how one of my specific jobs once upon a time was to just listen to demos and accept or reject them before they went up to a higher management to accept or reject. I know what music moguls will give the time of day to and I know what they won't. For that reason, I hear something of mine and I immediately think 'how long would I listen to this for until I turned it off?' If it's less than 30 seconds, then it's no good and I have to keep working at it. I did an a cappella version of the song "Explosions" by Ellie Goulding just as a sound test for adjusting levels and surprisingly I think I like it better than some of the other stuff I had considered doing, so I'll upload that on next post while I continue working on my original Minted Tunes for you.

Have a great Thursday, and I hope to have made this week's snow day pass by just a little smoother for those of you out there in the Northeast!