Vulnerability at it's Best... But There's a Birthday on the Horizon!

As some would say, I spoke too soon. And a few years ago I probably would have been the type to regret being so open about something that I wanted because then when I didn't get I'd have to tell everyone that it didn't work out. And that, my followers, is much more difficult than just you knowing yourself.

The phone rang while I was in a meeting with my two managers at work (one of my part-time jobs) and something inside just told me that it was them calling. I had been waiting all week and with the encouragement of my family and friends was feeling hopeful. Then the buzz of the voicemail hit my phone and I felt it vibrate in my pocket! I could not have been more anxious to leave the meeting so I could run to the hall and listen.

Finally I found my opportunity… "Samantha, thank you so much for your email and your time… at this time we have decided to go with a stronger candidate… We wish you the best of luck and please keep in touch for future opportunities." As I head back into work with my friends and managers I could feel the tears swelling up behind my eyes, but if there was something about myself that I knew it was that I have a resilience that others would envy, and that's something I'm proud of. So I put a strong face on and went about the rest of my work day with a smile. I clock out. I say goodbye. I head home and the second I walk through the door I saw the cupcakes that Brandon had bought me to make me feel better, but the tears just didn't stay inside.

So, of course, I did what any logical 23 yr old (soon to be 24, OMG!) girl that has received way to many rejections for her sanity would do. I ran to the shower with my speakers and blasted sad music while enjoying the longest shower of my life. In case you haven't tried a shower while crying, I would definitely recommend it because your face is going to get wet anyway, so you might as well just shower during the process! Two Birds, One Stone.

Okay, enough with the sad shit. Just for the record, I'm not some ignorant sad girl that isn't looking at the big picture. I really wanted (still want) this position, but the tears and the emotions I felt were not all due to the rejection of the position. It was more because when you're almost two years out of college and still finding your way in life and have not an iota of an idea in what direction it's going, it's easy to feel anxious and despair - hence the crying shower scene. No… no I don't have a picture of this, apologies :P

I had a few bites of the yummy cupcakes and decided that I would get all my sulking out last night because in less than 3 hours it was going to be Brandon's 24th Birthday! So he let me cry on his shoulder and vent about what I'm thinking about for life and the future and being happy and NOW it's Friday and I have to just buckle up and wear a smile because it's a day for celebration! (I am aware that there were an absurd amount of "ands" in the last sentence, but I.Don't.Care! That's my sentence and I'm sticking to it!:D)

This morning I sang "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" and gave Brandon one of his gifts, which he absolutely loved! That made me so happy! We woke up to find out that our heat is broken for the day, so my apartment is a popsicle, fortunately I have friends in high places. Which really means that I am at my friend, Marine's, place eating Berry Crumble, Nutella and blogging before I head to work. I also have to finish the last preparations for the surprise I have in store for Brandon tonight. I'll probably write again on Monday morning to update on the fantastic weekend plans.

Guys, I'm happy! I have great things in life, I'm healthy and I have people around me who love me! No more tears! And I am happy that I put myself out there because that way for those of you reading and for those of you just of college feeling rejected… Take it from someone that graduated from Carnegie Mellon University (A Top 30 School) with a degree in Economics, it's not easy. And it's especially not easy when you don't just want a job, you want the job that is going to make you happy. Maybe that's my thing, but I know that when I nail that one job that I know I want, it will be much more gratifying that just having a paycheck and benefits to say that I have a paycheck and benefits without any enjoyment of going to work. I want to love my job and I know I will! ;)

Most of my friends and family said "SAM! It's a sign that you shouldn't be cooperate (even though you can)! You should SING!" So I will sing! I wrote a new song today and I decided to open a sound cloud and upload the Explosions (A Capella) - Ellie Goulding Cover that I sang as a sound test. Hope you enjoy it.. Just click the image of Ellie Goulding below and it will take you to my new SoundCloud.